I’m honored to be asked to review books for Otakus and Geeks but a horrifying thought did occur to me. What if I’m asked to review a book just because it’s popular? What if I get asked to read 50 Shades!? Inspired about the possibility, I have compiled (with help from friends) a list of things I’d rather do with the book than read it.

Yes, this is meant to be funny. XD

1. Use pages to pick up dog scat
2. Door jam
3. Coaster
4. Shred paper to line pet cages
5. Straight edge
6. Practice target for BB guns
7. Chew toy for goats
8. Cutting board
9. Paper weight
10. Nail it to the door to repel proselytisers.
11. Emergency Hard Hat
12. Emergency toilet paper
13. Material for papier mache to construct model starship
14. Pillow for naps on a crab boat
15. Weapon of death in the Hunger Games
16. Make paper cranes… fuckton of paper cranes
17. Bonfire to save on heating costs
18. Compost
19. Fly Swatter/Bug smusher
20. Dust bin to go with your broom
21. Hammer
22. Poorly constructed frizbee
23. Cut out the pages to make a book safe
24. Use as bookends to hold up other books
25. Attach to a chain for use as Melee weapon for Zombie Apocalypse
26. Buff out scratches on car
27. Pages can be balled up and used as insulation for The Day After Tomorrow
28. Potions ingredients
29. Padding for worn out insoles in old shoes
30. Paste the cover on a video game box as a joke
31. Emergency grappling hook for repelling off the roof
32. A pestle for your mortar
33. Raised mousepad
34. Gavel
35. Soaking up small spills
36. Meat tenderizer
37. Pressing flowers
38. Nutcracker
39. Blend in to milkshake for extra fiber
40. Put inside the doors of your car to make a quick and easy armored car (thank you Burn Notice and Mythbusters)
41. Cheese plate
42. Stepping stones in your grass
43. Cooling rack for cookies
44. Quick and dirty way to embarrass your kids by reading it as you wait to pick them up in front of school (next time, pick up your socks)
45. Use it to drag the remote closer when you drop it
46. Make collages
47. Make Japanese lanterns
48. Paint pallete (make up works, too)
49. Play Hot Potato
50. Put it next to your thesaurus as a warning