funny

I’m honored to be asked to review books for Otakus and Geeks but a horrifying thought did occur to me. What if I’m asked to review a book just because it’s popular? What if I get asked to read 50 Shades!? Inspired about the possibility, I have compiled (with help from friends) a list of things I’d rather do with the book than read it.

Yes, this is meant to be funny. XD

Use pages to pick up dog scat
Door jam
Coaster
Shred paper to line pet cages
Straight edge
Practice target for BB guns
Chew toy for goats
Cutting board
Paper weight
Nail it to the door to repel proselytisers.
Emergency Hard Hat
Emergency toilet paper
Material for papier mache to construct model starship
Pillow for naps on a crab boat
Weapon of death in the Hunger Games
Make paper cranes… fuckton of paper cranes
Bonfire to save on heating costs
Compost
Fly Swatter/Bug smusher
Dust bin to go with your broom
Hammer
Poorly constructed frizbee
Cut out the pages to make a book safe
Use as bookends to hold up other books
Attach to a chain for use as Melee weapon for Zombie Apocalypse
Buff out scratches on car
Pages can be balled up and used as insulation for The Day After Tomorrow
Potions ingredients
Padding for worn out insoles in old shoes
Paste the cover on a video game box as a joke
Emergency grappling hook for repelling off the roof
A pestle for your mortar
Raised mousepad
Gavel
Soaking up small spills
Meat tenderizer
Pressing flowers
Nutcracker
Blend in to milkshake for extra fiber
Put inside the doors of your car to make a quick and easy armored car (thank you Burn Notice and Mythbusters)
Cheese plate
Stepping stones in your grass
Cooling rack for cookies
Quick and dirty way to embarrass your kids by reading it as you wait to pick them up in front of school (next time, pick up your socks)
Use it to drag the remote closer when you drop it
Make collages
Make Japanese lanterns
Paint pallete (make up works, too)
Play Hot Potato
Put it next to your thesaurus as a warning