Recovery Update! YAY! It’s time to be gross…

As if it wasn’t gross enough to be talking about a hole I burned into my stomach, here’s a picture of what I pulled out of my belly button yesterday! 😀

IMG_20170823_212808728~2

Yes, friends; that is the final stitch left over from my surgery. Why do I say it’s time to be gross? Well… Here we go.

A really good friend of mine gave me some great advice to get this thing out of me ASAP. And he was right in that having this thing hanging around was an avenue for infection (and that’s the last fucking thing I needed after the rest of the shit I have been through with this). I took his advice but when I tried to yank it out (weeks ago) I noticed a fair amount of skin coming up when I pulled on it.

As someone who does needlework, a good analogy is if there’s a knot in your thread but it’s under the fabric you’re working on. When you tug, you see the fabric come up and you know the knot won’t fit without tearing the fabric.

Except here? Fabric = my skin.

I have been leaving it alone but also watching it like a hawk for the slightest hint of infection. If you see me on Instagram, I am back to running. Sweat would very likely be an open avenue to get something terrible into this last remaining stitch.

I kept it very clean and remained hyper-aware of any itching, burning, even a twinge of anything strange. Every couple days, I would gently tug on it to see the progress (with clean hands and antiseptic close at hand).

Yesterday? I gave a gentle tug and it came right out.

I am a sucker for shitty/good horror movies and live my spare (HAHAHAHA!!! “Spare…”) time on the Chiller channel so I am sitting there with a flashlight, holding my breath expecting my guts to spill out in some Saw-like fantastical manner but alas, all I got was a choice picture of that tiny, green, plastic remnant… A little trophy of what I lived through.

All my guts are still where they belong.

I won’t lie… This is a big deal for me. Having that tiny stitch still in my belly button was a constant reminder of what I’d done and I do feel it was holding me back. To be off topic for a moment, I’m a sucker for My 600lb Life and Skin Tight. The people on Skin Tight say their extra skin is a reminder of how bad they let things get.

That stitch reminded me of how bad I let things get and how stupid I was.

And now it’s GONE!

Now I can finally get into the mindset of feeling normal again!

Follow me on BlogLovin.

Happy Friday!

I indeed live and much better, thankfully. The self help books about ending relationships have been very helpful. It’s still a shock because I haven’t been single in 14 years. o_O But there’s significantly less screaming and more writing in my life now. 🙂

I’m also healing really well from the accident. Better than I expected! I still get a twinge when I turn my head but whiplash takes a bit to heal. That, sadly I know from experience.

Happily, I’m reading my little heart out, crocheting, and editing faster than I would have dreamed! I’m back in the library, even though we’re not open because the first floor is still being repaired, and it’s nice to get up and get out of the house every day. We’re doing as much community outreach as we can without a library to do it from. It’s a surreal experience.

I have to take this chance to give a shout-out to all my friends who’ve stuck with me while I have been going through all this mess. You guys are awesome! I don’t know what I would have done without you. *hugs you all*

Holiday Spruce Up Crave Box and News

IMG_3179

 

This was a cute little box but I an’t use the dishwasher stuff. I don’t own a dishwasher. XD One day when I can afford to redo the kitchen, I will absolutely get one.

Now… On to why I haven’t been posting. Long story shot, I’m getting divorced and I’m dealing with the emotional fallout from that. You’d be surprised how such an emotional roller coaster it is so I haven’t been writing. So, in the last year or so, I’ve lost my Ma, my library, and my marriage. I’d like some freaking kudos for not being blackout drunk right now much less producing any creative work. But I’m getting there…

 

 

Pagan Blog Project – “H” for “Healing”

In yet another lesson brought to me courtesy of that burn, I was inspired to talk about how interesting it is to watch my body go through the healing process. This is not about the healing magic so much as it’s about how healing itself is magic.

To see my body damaged is a little traumatic; all of a sudden there’s a charred mess where normal skin should be. But once the blisters started to come up and the pain went away, I got to see what my body is capable of. It was pretty awesome.

There’s something very primal about the need to pick and poke at it. Even if the feeling of the fluids sloshing inside is stomach churning the mere notion that a body filled with helpful and harmful germs can produce a sterile environment in which to grow new flesh under the damaged flash is remarkable. Slowly, over the passing week, the fluid either reabsorbed or steadily leaked out without me having to open it up. My body let me know when it was time to get rid of the junk by it just letting it go; all I had to do was keep up with a clean bandage.

Now, after all the dead skin has flaked away, I am left with a smooth, clean, pink scar. I look at it in awe of how horribly I’d mucked it up and my body just said “Alright, you dingus. Just sit back and let me handle this.” Usually, I trust my body to betray me; sending my period late/early, burping at inappropriate times, pimples, etc… But this time it came through for me. That’s the magic of nature.

Pagan Blog Project: “F” for “Forgiveness”

I’ve posted about forgiveness before but a lot has happened since then and I’ve had a recent update.

As things progress on the processing of my Ma’s will, the lawyer who wrote it was finally found. Turns out the way it was worded did NOT mean Ma thought was some sort of an empty headed ninny who could be manipulated by her husband into leaving her child homeless. It was meant to go into a trust to protect me in case of divorce.

To be fair, the will was drafted during a time when me and my husband were having MAJOR problems and divorce was very likely. Since then, we have grown so much as a couple and as individuals that our marriage is much stronger. Part of this had to do with Ma’s sickness and eventual death. We really had to support each other during that time. Mainly, it was about growing the hell up. For the both of us.

Knowing this was such a weight off my shoulders. Ma saw what a good man my husband became and always knew her daughter had a good head on her shoulders. (“Sane,” no. “Good,” yes.) But life happens and she wanted a fail-safe to protect her daughter. So, for that I forgive her. I let go of my anger  and move on towards healing.