If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I think I would change my lack of faith in myself. I tend to underestimate myself and as a result, I think other people underestimate me, too. I need to have more confidence that I know what I’m doing, I know how to get it done, I know I have the strength, and I can make my dreams happen. 🙂
This week has been strange and stressful. I’ve been writing but not nearly as much as I’d hoped cause with everything that’s been going on, I come home and fall into bed. But the good news is things are looking up. A friend of mine who went to the hospital is recovering well and the legal stuff dealing with Ma is really almost over. I’d give it another 60-90 days and only emotional crap will be left to deal with. I finished two reviews for Otakus and Geeks and I have another on deck.
I’m off today so I am taking this chance to just chill out and relax so my muse can get back to work. Stay well, everyone!
(image from here)
I will admit to you that I am not the type of person who wakes up thinking “My! What a glorious day! I must verily ponder ways in which to seize it!” I am more likely to wake up like this:
(from SIP but taken from this site)
Just driving to work is enough to put me on edge on some days. Between a full time job, my daughter, my husband, and my writing, it’s a wonder I am not covered in wrinkles with a full head of white hair.
Most of us can relate, I’m sure. You want to be the type of person who seizes every moment but we are lucky to have a moment to breathe. I say, take that moment. People around me may get annoyed or tease me when I will just stop and let loose a great heaving sigh but man, that’s the best sigh EVER. Better than running to get coffee, better than chocolate (yup, I said better than CHOCOLATE) because in that breath, I am aware of my being. I am present in the moment.
Then I can go back to calling every one idiots for tailgating and changing lanes with out a signal. >_< And for the love of all that’s holy, why can’t my kid pick up her frigging shoes!!
Much better. 😉
Living is making the best of whatever you have and realizing that you may not have time for a 20 minute meditation every night or be able to take hour long walks whenever you want, but that second where you can stop, breathe, then continue. At least that’s what it is for me now. And it’s not so bad. 🙂
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I am lucky for what I have. Even though I got rejected for that anthology, I am grateful to have plenty of other places to use it and the chance to edit it the way I want it.
I am grateful for my vacation and to be back with my family. I am grateful for my life and everything in it that makes me smile for even the barest second. Because life’s too short to be all frowny all the time. 🙂
Seeing as how I recently burned myself, I have a new respect for flames. >_<
The story goes as follows: While boiling pasta for dinner, one hand slipped from the handle on the pot and scalding hot water spills on my thigh. Let me tell you, I have never taken my pants off so fast in my life.
Nearly a week later, now that the blisters have popped and the skin is healing, I have seen the why and the lesson fire had for me; pay attention. Life is here. Life is NOW. And if you aren’t looking, life will be gone. Or you will spill boiling hot water on your leg. :p You have to be present in every moment and celebrate it.
The burn was like a shock to my system. Despite the bandages and ointment and pain, I’m doing the things I enjoy with no excuses and having more fun with my family. In part, it’s guilt from scaring the begeezuz out of them (I screamed. Loud.) but my passion for life is back.
But my message to the universe is simply this: Less painful lessons next time. >D
I have finished the rough draft for one anthology entry and I’m 7 written pages into the second. However, I have come to realize there is no way I will get to finish both of them in time to submit. They are both due on the 24th, one is 1,200 words and needs to be 5,000 and the other needs to be 10,000 and I am no where near that.
So, I give up.
I will write both but instead of submitting two crappy manuscripts which will absolutely get rejected, I can focus on the short one, get it all perty like, and finish the other one at my leisure. And who knows? Maybe the stars will align and I will finish both to submission quality. And maybe the unicorns who live in my closet will cry tears of liquid silver and I will sell it to pay off my mortgage. :p
It is a pretty big closet…
This is a hard lesson for me to learn and it’s one I’ve had to learn more than once: You can’t do EVERYTHING, and you don’t HAVE to. Anything I don’t finish by the deadline, I can polish myself and put together as an anthology. Just because I can’t have them all traditionally published doesn’t mean they will languish unread on my flash drive. Some will even be on my site, as well. ^_^
Are you excited? Because I am. Excited and proud at getting so much done, even if it isn’t all on time. 😉
In 2011, I sold about 2-3 books a month. This year, I’m hoping to double that. ^_^
I will also be starting the 100 book challenge and also adding the Pagan Blog Project. That’s at least two posts a week for my blogs (remember I am also at livejournal) in addition to the fun updates about how my writing is going. XD
Another goal I have for this year is to clean out as much clutter as I can. The garbage man is gonna hate meee… I plan to donate and sell very large amounts of extra clothes and collectables that are taking up space in this house. I’ve already taken care of our living room tossing a 40 year old dining set that was falling apart but my Mother refused to throw out. We’re hanging up pictures that previously were crammed into shelves and tossing out anything we haven’t used in 6 months.
My workout schedule is going well but I have to admit; if I don’t have work, I do NOT get up at 6am to be in the gym. I figure if I’m off, I can work out in the afternoon when my kid is at school. As long as I DO it, the time isn’t important.
My goal of 4 pages a day has not changed. Even with the new comic I’m working on, I’ll still make sure to get one short story out every month and Greenhouse will be done by the end of the year. I would like to have a store full of stories in all genres! 😀
I would also like to take one vacation with my whole family. I usually run away and leave them behind. While necessary for my sanity, some of my best memories are traveling somewhere cool with my family. It was harder when I was a kid because my Granny was in a wheelchair but we are blessedly all able bodied so other than time, there’s no reason not to go. 🙂
I think that’s all the important stuff. Anything else you all think I should add?
I got a flyer in my kid’s folder inviting parents to come share their holiday traditions. I didn’t even have to read the whole thing in order to decide there was no way in hell I was doing that even if I was free from work to do so.
Why? This is why. And so is this.
I have no intention of turning my kid’s pre-k into a religious battle ground and making school miserable for her. Granted, in all likelihood, nothing would come of me going there and saying what the Solstice means to me but if I’m gonna throw down for my religion, it’s not gonna be there.
You may think me cowardly for not using this as a teaching opportunity or something like that, but I pick my battles carefully. When someone asks me what my pentacle means, I tell them exactly what it means. If another parent has a problem with me rolling up to the school with all my pentacles on, it’s on them, not me. I remove them for NO ONE. But it’s not MY school, it’s my daughter’s. I teach her my traditions but I feel it’s not the right place to get such a discussion started.
It’s hard to pin down the absolute happiest moment of my life. I’m sure many people will say something about their kids or significant others or graduating but rather than pick one moment or one person, I am going to have to go with one unique feeling which gives me great comfort and never fails to put a smile on my face.
Despite how bad this year has been, with Ma’s decline and inevitable death, I find that when I sit back and look at my life, REALLY take stock of everything, I am one loved and lucky lady. There are more people than I can count who genuinely care for me and are there for me no matter what silly thing is bothering me. I may not have spoken to some in years but their energy is there and I know it.
I am happy to be rid of dead weight friends and have only those who truly care be in my life. The moments I remember I am loved and have love to give are those that make me a happy lady. ^_^
No good news from the doctors. 😦 Sadly, it’s just a matter of "when" not "if" but I always knew that. Her cancer is terminal, inoperable, and comes with a whole host of complications.
Ma could live the next two years or be gone by the end of summer. There’s just no way to tell. In the meantime, me and my husband are taking on the tasks she uses to do, like driving the kid around and laundry and such.
It just blows my mind that this is the second time I will watch a parent succumb to lung cancer. And neither my Mother nor my Grandmother smoked a day in their lives.