5k

Yesterday I got my Zombies Run! Virtual Race packet in the mail and somehow it made all the training and running very REAL. There is such a difference between saying “Yeah, I’m gonna run a 5k” and having the pennant and medal right there.

I do have confidence in myself to run this race considering I’ve been very serious about my training; running at least 4 times a week and no less than 2 miles. I’ve been able to get to the three mile mark in less than an hour which means my pace is getting SO much better.

And can we talk about how the muscles in my legs are changing!? I remember reaching down for something, looking at my calves and thinking “Well, shit! Those muscle cuts weren’t there before!” Same goes for my front thigh muscles. I am aware of muscles I obviously wasn’t using before with other workout methods (not counting when I was doing P90X). I can’t say I’ve lost any more weight but every time I hit that 3 mile mark and get that runner’s high? I am filled with such pride. I am not a skinny person, I always HATED running, and I had the belief firmly in my mind that in order to be a runner, I had to lose 30 pounds first. I dunno what switch flipped but I’m glad it did.

The best part is I am not alone! There are so many plus size people out there not only running but doing these epic fucking mega marathons! (My knees ache just thinking about those) Thanks to these awesome blogs that I am now reading, I am even more inspired than ever:

And the group of people on Instagram who are following me; some of whom are NOT plus size and are not judging me at all (at least as far as I can tell). Doing this has made me appreciate the body the Goddess has given me and realize how fucking awesome I am. I’ve gone from loathing this to LOVING this.

At some point, I do plan to get into running meditations and I have registered for two other virtual races: May the 4th be with you and Supermom. There is not a single inch of me that is ashamed to say I signed up because the medals are awesome. I mean, if you’re gonna have a glow in the dark Yoda medal, you should EARN it.

The race is less than 30 days away now and I won’t lie; I am SUPER nervous. I feel addicted to running but actually completing a race (even a virtual one) is a real test of my abilities. I think being tested is what makes me nervous. Also, running outside where other people are… In my two experiences actually encountering other people who decided to make a comment; one teenager said something mean (I didn’t hear, my kid did) and some Jehovah’s Witnesses giving me encouragement. I am scared of someone saying something nasty to me during a race because I know I will absolutely lose it and screw up my time because I had to stop to curse them out. That’s just who I am because the girl who would go home and cry when someone decided to take time out of their day to oink at me (yes, that is a thing that happened to me) is LONG gone. Now, I’m a warrior.

A warrior with sore knees but a warrior nonetheless.

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I’m on vacation this week with the kiddo so what do I decide to do? Run.

Yesterday was my first attempt at running the route I plan to use for the 5k race in April. I wanted to see if it really was the proper distance and yup, it really is.

My plan was to walk out the first mile and a half then walk/run back. The first part of that worked out great! The latter half was more like walk/run/limp/curse/run/walk… But I did it. I cannot ignore the fact that I DID IT.

I had planned to run again today but my knees hurt SO BAD, I did more of a power walk/light trot:

And to be honest, with the way my legs are I probably should have just stayed off my feet for the day. This time I ran with braces on both knees and one on my right ankle. It was easier but I had to stop for every five seconds to pull the braces back into place. What a giant pain in the ass.

To put a little history on this, I started running using the C25K app in September of last year. Back then, a 30 minute light run would leave me feeling like I’m gonna die. I was 220 pounds (and I’m 5’7″). Now I’m 210 and it takes me 2 miles to make me feel like I’m going to die. I’ve been steadily getting faster and stronger.

To be clear, I am not doing this to lose weight. Completing a 5k has been something on my bucket list for over a decade but I could never get it done. During my marriage, my self-esteem was in the shitter and I was continuously sabotaged whenever I tried to improve myself. Now that that toxic person is out of my life, I made a promise to myself to be everything he tried to keep me from becoming. Skinny is not one of those things. I want to be strong and healthy.

The first run I did with the kid (who is signed up for the race with me) and both of us barely made it. Today, I did the run alone and yes, my knees are killing me.

But it does feel great that every day, I put miles on these knees and I can tell I’m getting stronger.

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