Today’s Workout: C25K Week 4

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I know it’s only Tuesday but, I think I’m doing pretty good with getting in my running after work. If I stick to doing it right when I walk in the door before I can talk myself out of it, I bet I can get 4 runs in this week. It does take time away from my evening writing/editing/needlework but if I’m not healthy, I can’t do any of those things. Plus, I think it is actually helping with the depression symptoms.

I have been eating breakfast; usually one toaster pastry because I can eat that on the go but I’m still working my way through my batch of flank steak and rice, then I made a salad for dinner after my run. Everything together actually broke 1,000 calories, which is rare but since I’m running again, I’m not going to worry. I clearly burned a ton of calories today and got my heart rate up. Also, I don’t feel that horrid overfullness I can get on the Saxenda if I overeat. I feel satisfied and accomplished. Sore, but accomplished.

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Lenni Reviews: “Everything Is OK” by Debbie Tung

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*This book was given to me in exchange for an honest review. Trigger warning for anxiety and depression.

This graphic novel is an exploration of how the author recognized their mental illness and her work in dealing with them so she can start to love herself.

The simple art style packs a real punch when expressing the feelings and thoughts of the author and I found it all very relatable and easy to understand. It has an overall positive message without sounding preachy. It also stresses that dealing with mental illness is not a linear process. A great read if you’re struggling and need some hope or if someone in your life is facing similar issues. 5 out of 5.

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Another light goes out…

Many people say what needs to be said much better than I ever could. And although Robin Williams is gone, I share The Bloggess’ feelings; it’s a trigger to those of us who battle depression every day.

I have heard some amazing fails at advice though the years:

  1. I should make you happy enough that you shouldn’t be depressed anymore.
  2. If you’re strong enough, you get over it.
  3. That shouldn’t have insulted you enough to make you depressed. You’re just being dramatic.

And on and on and on…

Mr. Williams made no bones about how he faced down the insidious demon that is depression; made so dangerous by the fact it convinces you you don’t need help and enabled by a public who thinks getting help is considered weakness. Let me tell you as someone who has looked fondly at a sharp object like it was an exit sign, calling and BEGGING for help was the hardest thing I have ever done. Keeping up with therapy is hard because the demon says to you “You’re fine. You don’t need to go. Just stay home.” The next thing you know,  you’re curled up in a ball and you can’t move and you don’t even know why.

I cannot be presumptuous enough to tell any fellow sufferer that it magically all gets better. But I can tell you that if you give up the fight, you’ll never know. So, make it one week. If you can make it one week, make it another. Then another. Next thing you know, 10 years have gone by and things might actually be better.

Just keep trying. Be HERE. It’s hard, but be HERE; in the present moment. Because you can. And that moment may be awesome.

Obligatory End Of The Year Post

I have to say, this year sucked ass. Two of the people in my life who professed to care about me the  most lied to me and betrayed me; abandoning me and spreading very interesting lies behind my back. I’ve tried to be all zen and understanding about it but no. I can’t stand them and I can’t stand myself.

In my best moments I realize I am better off with these people out of my life because toxic relationships aren’t good for anyone. I have better friends who throughout all of this have been there for me. I pray every day to keep them and welcome new love into my life.

So, it is in that spirit that I give a resounding fuck you to 2012. Tonight I will try and focus on what I can do to make 2013 a better year for myself and for my daughter.

Buckle up, kids. Let’s do this shit.