Ah, Jeff, you crazy diamond. XD
fifty shades of grey
A list of 50 things to do with 50 Shades of Grey
I’m honored to be asked to review books for Otakus and Geeks but a horrifying thought did occur to me. What if I’m asked to review a book just because it’s popular? What if I get asked to read 50 Shades!? Inspired about the possibility, I have compiled (with help from friends) a list of things I’d rather do with the book than read it.
Yes, this is meant to be funny. XD
- Use pages to pick up dog scat
- Door jam
- Coaster
- Shred paper to line pet cages
- Straight edge
- Practice target for BB guns
- Chew toy for goats
- Cutting board
- Paper weight
- Nail it to the door to repel proselytisers.
- Emergency Hard Hat
- Emergency toilet paper
- Material for papier mache to construct model starship
- Pillow for naps on a crab boat
- Weapon of death in the Hunger Games
- Make paper cranes… fuckton of paper cranes
- Bonfire to save on heating costs
- Compost
- Fly Swatter/Bug smusher
- Dust bin to go with your broom
- Hammer
- Poorly constructed frizbee
- Cut out the pages to make a book safe
- Use as bookends to hold up other books
- Attach to a chain for use as Melee weapon for Zombie Apocalypse
- Buff out scratches on car
- Pages can be balled up and used as insulation for The Day After Tomorrow
- Potions ingredients
- Padding for worn out insoles in old shoes
- Paste the cover on a video game box as a joke
- Emergency grappling hook for repelling off the roof
- A pestle for your mortar
- Raised mousepad
- Gavel
- Soaking up small spills
- Meat tenderizer
- Pressing flowers
- Nutcracker
- Blend in to milkshake for extra fiber
- Put inside the doors of your car to make a quick and easy armored car (thank you Burn Notice and Mythbusters)
- Cheese plate
- Stepping stones in your grass
- Cooling rack for cookies
- Quick and dirty way to embarrass your kids by reading it as you wait to pick them up in front of school (next time, pick up your socks)
- Use it to drag the remote closer when you drop it
- Make collages
- Make Japanese lanterns
- Paint pallete (make up works, too)
- Play Hot Potato
- Put it next to your thesaurus as a warning
Fifty Shades of Envy
With all the furvor over Fifty Shades of Grey; the Twilight fanfic which has morphed in to it’s own franchise, I went through all the basic emotions of your average unknown indie author.
1. “Aww, that’s nice for the author! Lucky devil”
2. “Wait… It’s based on what now?”
3. (enough cursing to make even George Carlin blush)
I was so very tempted to alter the path my own series will take in order to sink to the lowest common denominator, which seems to be an asshole main guy and a brainless main girl who screw for reasons unknown because neither are attractive to the reader so how they are attracted to each other is a mystery. But I refuse. I’d planned for my series to get more sexual at it’s own pace in ways that make sense and don’t leave the reader wanting to hurl and throw the book across the room.
Am I jealous? Hellz yeah, I am! The author is laughing all the way to the bank. And more power to her. But I’m not changing how I write in order to sell books. It’s not why I write, its not how my characters demand to be written. I may never get a movie deal, I may never sell more than 50 books a month, I may never get a stranger running up to me to proclaim how much they have loved my book but I refuse to sell my writing soul in the hopes of achieving literary success. Because then what real achievement is there?
I’m not completely hating on the books; there are plenty of other people to do that. XD I wish the author all the success in the world (wish granted, it seems) but I have no intention of reading these books; so I won’t trash em. When something is touted as “mommy porn” or “Twilight for moms” I run in the other direction. *shudder* So if you’ve read it and liked it, bully for you.