pagans

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “J” for “Jinx”

I’ve had friends and acquaintances come to me believing they’ve been jinxed; believing their run of bad luck is supernatural in origin and hope their friendly neighborhood witch can to something about it. They fill me in on the situation and are frequently are disappointed when I tell them they’re not jinxed; they’re repeating bad behaviors and wondering why it all turns out shitty.

“Lenni, can you cast a spell for me?”

Sure! I can cast all freakin day but if you don’t study? Your grades won’t improve. Guy broke your heart again? Stop messing with him. Perpetually out of money? Stop over-shopping. Tired of being fat? Take a freaking walk.

Of course there are always mitigating circumstances but on the whole, it seems people will jump on the supernatural explanation rather than look within and see what the root of the problem is. It may not be all “witchy” and “pagany” but it works. I do believe in a little magical help but I always combine it with good ole fashion hard work. And who knows? The application of my will towards change may be the transformative magic; not the spell. If not, it certainly can’t be said I didn’t have all by bases covered. 😉

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project: “F” for “Forgiveness”

I’ve posted about forgiveness before but a lot has happened since then and I’ve had a recent update.

As things progress on the processing of my Ma’s will, the lawyer who wrote it was finally found. Turns out the way it was worded did NOT mean Ma thought was some sort of an empty headed ninny who could be manipulated by her husband into leaving her child homeless. It was meant to go into a trust to protect me in case of divorce.

To be fair, the will was drafted during a time when me and my husband were having MAJOR problems and divorce was very likely. Since then, we have grown so much as a couple and as individuals that our marriage is much stronger. Part of this had to do with Ma’s sickness and eventual death. We really had to support each other during that time. Mainly, it was about growing the hell up. For the both of us.

Knowing this was such a weight off my shoulders. Ma saw what a good man my husband became and always knew her daughter had a good head on her shoulders. (“Sane,” no. “Good,” yes.) But life happens and she wanted a fail-safe to protect her daughter. So, for that I forgive her. I let go of my anger  and move on towards healing.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “F” for “Fire”

Seeing as how I recently burned myself, I have a new respect for flames. >_<

The story goes as follows: While boiling pasta for dinner, one hand slipped from the handle on the pot and scalding hot water spills on my thigh. Let me tell you, I have never taken my pants off so fast in my life.

Nearly a week later, now that the blisters have popped and the skin is healing, I have seen the why and the lesson fire had for me; pay attention. Life is here. Life is NOW. And if you aren’t looking, life will be gone. Or you will spill boiling hot water on your leg. :p You have to be present in every moment and celebrate it.

The burn was like a shock to my system. Despite the bandages and ointment and pain, I’m doing the things I enjoy with no excuses and having more fun with my family. In part, it’s guilt from scaring the begeezuz out of them (I screamed. Loud.) but my passion for life is back.

But my message to the universe is simply this: Less painful lessons next time. >D

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “C” is for “Coven”

I have been tempted to join with a couple of witchy friends for a working but I have never wanted to join an existing coven. Like many Pagans, I wasn’t raised in the faith. Ma sent me to an African Methodist Episcopal church till I was old enough to say didn’t want to go anymore.

There was nothing in particular that turned me off to this church. Eventually we moved into a new neighborhood and I never found a new one. I was more comfortable being Christian alone than in a group. That feeling carried over when I discovered Wicca and late when I decided the more general label of Pagan suited me better.

As an introvert and a person diagnosed with alexithymia, I find I have a better experience with my religion on my own. Sometimes I think it would be cool to at least have someone to talk to but that’s why the interwebz exist. 😉

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “A” for “Aspirations”

I often see many Pagans talking very deeply about their practice; putting into words what I have only experienced in instinct and feelings. I usually end up feeling not Pagan ENOUGH to be qualified to post about how I feel, what I’m doing, what corresponds to what, etc. Which always begs the question: “What do I aspire to in being Pagan?”

I want to feel connected to the world and the energy within it. I want to fly without wings, I want to see magic in everything. I want something meaningful to turn to when times are tough and to celebrate when times are good. I want a group when I need it and solitude when I don’t. I aspire to spiritual freedom and peace. And that’s gonna have to be Pagan enough. 🙂