health

atthequillsmercy

Quickie Update!

Lenni’s been HELLA busy! I’m easing into working out, I have a new doggie to add to my family (the cats are as thrilled as you can imagine they would be), and I’m back to working every day at the library! I can’t tell you how happy to be back even if the office is like a refrigerator. XD

The best news I’ve gotten today is I contacted my insurance company and they are fixing my car! 😀 I’m kinda glad it’s not a total loss. I love that car. Although, I do plan to cleanse it with a sage stick and put some good luck charms in it. Clearly, there’s some bad juju there. o_O

No word on how long that will take but hey, hearing I’ll have my Pearl back is great! Coupled with 99% of my pain from the crash being gone, I’m in pretty good spirits. 🙂 I’m even writing more often and making my daily quotas of 4 pages a day. I’m keeping up with my journals which have been INSTRUMENTAL in my improving my mental state. I’m smiling more and moving on with my life. Nothing will get me down, damnit!!

Hey… These antidepressants are working! Give it up for the power of modern medicine! XD

atthequillsmercy

Happy Friday!

I indeed live and much better, thankfully. The self help books about ending relationships have been very helpful. It’s still a shock because I haven’t been single in 14 years. o_O But there’s significantly less screaming and more writing in my life now. 🙂

I’m also healing really well from the accident. Better than I expected! I still get a twinge when I turn my head but whiplash takes a bit to heal. That, sadly I know from experience.

Happily, I’m reading my little heart out, crocheting, and editing faster than I would have dreamed! I’m back in the library, even though we’re not open because the first floor is still being repaired, and it’s nice to get up and get out of the house every day. We’re doing as much community outreach as we can without a library to do it from. It’s a surreal experience.

I have to take this chance to give a shout-out to all my friends who’ve stuck with me while I have been going through all this mess. You guys are awesome! I don’t know what I would have done without you. *hugs you all*

atthequillsmercy

2013 goals

I had to think a lot about what I wanted from this year. Instead of resolutions, I have goals I would like to meet:

1: To recover from my divorce and be a happier and better person.

2: To write 4 pages every day.

3: Update the blog more often.

4: I’m trying the 100 Books in a Year challenge again.

 

There’s no way I’m gonna let the bad things that have happened to me get me down. I have to remember it’s not my fault, these things happen, and to move on with my head high.

Here’s to a good 2013. It better be good; I think I’m owed. T_T

 

 

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – T for Training

I try and meditate every day for at least 20 minutes to clear my mind and be able to focus. It’s not every day that I have to perform a huge ritual or anything but each little meditation session is like running laps to train for a marathon. I’ve found it much easier to get in the right frame of mind for worship since I’ve started to train my mind to reach that state.

My eventual goal is to have 40 minutes to an hour of meditation time a night but yyeeaahhh… Maybe when I retire. =_= There are days where those 20 minutes are spent just calming myself down. But the benefits are more than worth it. It’s like an old muscle you stretch back into fighting form. I suppose all those years of martial arts paid off in the sense of giving me a trainer’s mind. I’m always training, striving, trying to be better and so better to improve.

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Takin a Break

I’ve been having issues with late day headaches so I’m taking a blogging break to try and reset my schedule. Bear with me here I’ll be playing catch-up for some time. =_=

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Pagan Blog Project – “O” for “Obesity”

(Source)

It is with a great sigh and rolling of eyes that you read my heading, I am sure. This topic has been done but far be it from me to let it pass without me adding my two cents.

Hey there. My name is Lenni. I am 5’7″ and weigh about 200 pounds. I say “about” because depending on what time of the month it is, I can go down to 195 or up to 210. At my last physical, my blood pressure and cholesterol were at normal levels. My knees are shot so I can’t run a 4 minute mile, but I can power walk it in 15. I can lift and carry my 40 pound child with out straining. I typically workout 30 minutes 4 days a week in various ways but not because I want to lose weight, it’s because I enjoy it (and I don’t drive yet so I walk everywhere).

Why the stats? Because people hear my height and weight and assume I am fat, lazy, unhealthy. Quite the contrary, I am an active healthy human being who just happens to not be a size 2. Most of the time, I am happy with myself. It’s taken years of hard thought to get rid of the poor self image instilled in me from puberty when all of a sudden, I developed all these curves I didn’t know what do to with.

Not to sound crude but I sure as hell know what to do with them now!

(Source)

I wish I’d had more role models like Mrs. Hendricks up there when I was growing up. I could have avoided a lot of the anguish. Being 13 is hard enough without the added stress of being overweight. Not that kids need an excuse to make fun of you (I was oinked at… I am not even kidding) but that pain never really goes away. I have tried every diet, every diet pill, every shake, powder, and gimmick you can name. I even dabbled in anorexia. But not bulimia because I don’t like the feeling of throwing up and I believe I would be just wasting good food.

(Source)

I say, fuck that noise! I sat back and thought “I cannot believe the words ‘dabble in anorexia’ came out of my mouth!” What the bloody hell was I thinking?! Would I be able to rock the hell out to Zumba if I don’t eat? How am I supposed to chase my kid around if I don’t eat? And what kind of example am I setting for my daughter!? I never want her to think the things I thought… So, I will be totally honest with you, I eat whatever the fuck I want. And I like vegetables (my Ma was vegetarian so I’m used to large amounts of veggies). My favorite thing to eat is a huge salad with a can of tuna and diced onion. I have pizza or burgers as a treat and I usually make them myself (when I have time) because I can flavor them exactly the way I want. Do I make healthier choices? Yes; lean meats and whole wheat bread. I don’t pick them because they’re “diet food” I pick them because my body feels better.

You only get one shot in the shell you have. I choose to treat my body with respect by giving it the fuel it craves. Sometimes it’s a baby spinach salad and sometimes it’s a fat, juicy burger with fried onions and bacon. No excuses and no guilt. People can oink at me all they want because you know what? I’m better than that. And you are, too.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “H” for “Healing”

In yet another lesson brought to me courtesy of that burn, I was inspired to talk about how interesting it is to watch my body go through the healing process. This is not about the healing magic so much as it’s about how healing itself is magic.

To see my body damaged is a little traumatic; all of a sudden there’s a charred mess where normal skin should be. But once the blisters started to come up and the pain went away, I got to see what my body is capable of. It was pretty awesome.

There’s something very primal about the need to pick and poke at it. Even if the feeling of the fluids sloshing inside is stomach churning the mere notion that a body filled with helpful and harmful germs can produce a sterile environment in which to grow new flesh under the damaged flash is remarkable. Slowly, over the passing week, the fluid either reabsorbed or steadily leaked out without me having to open it up. My body let me know when it was time to get rid of the junk by it just letting it go; all I had to do was keep up with a clean bandage.

Now, after all the dead skin has flaked away, I am left with a smooth, clean, pink scar. I look at it in awe of how horribly I’d mucked it up and my body just said “Alright, you dingus. Just sit back and let me handle this.” Usually, I trust my body to betray me; sending my period late/early, burping at inappropriate times, pimples, etc… But this time it came through for me. That’s the magic of nature.

atthequillsmercy

HAPPY SPRING!!!

Which I am not prepared for at ALL, by the way. Because of my burn and PMS, I haven’t worked out in a 2 weeks. I can’t tell you how completely horrid that makes me feel.

Good news is my burn is all dried out (I’ll spare you the tales of leaking blisters) and it appears I will form the most epic scar ever.  XD I don’t mind having scars. As a woman with 4 tattoos (with more to come, I hope) I see my scars as cheap, hastily attained decorations upon my flesh.

In other news, that story I was freaking out over the word count will be reviewed soon, heralding another freakout. I really hope to be accepted and I have heard from the Pagan Writers Press Facebook page that reading has begun.

If you need me, I’ll be in the corner, suitably terrified as I am ruthlessly judged.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “F” for “Fire”

Seeing as how I recently burned myself, I have a new respect for flames. >_<

The story goes as follows: While boiling pasta for dinner, one hand slipped from the handle on the pot and scalding hot water spills on my thigh. Let me tell you, I have never taken my pants off so fast in my life.

Nearly a week later, now that the blisters have popped and the skin is healing, I have seen the why and the lesson fire had for me; pay attention. Life is here. Life is NOW. And if you aren’t looking, life will be gone. Or you will spill boiling hot water on your leg. :p You have to be present in every moment and celebrate it.

The burn was like a shock to my system. Despite the bandages and ointment and pain, I’m doing the things I enjoy with no excuses and having more fun with my family. In part, it’s guilt from scaring the begeezuz out of them (I screamed. Loud.) but my passion for life is back.

But my message to the universe is simply this: Less painful lessons next time. >D

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “B” for Body

Recently, I had a pretty skinny coworker of mine complain how fat she was getting now that she’s quit smoking. Even with her new-found “fat,” she is still small enough for one and a half of her equals me.

Aside for the inability for women (in general) to be happy with their bodies, I do get really pissed off when women half my size complain about how fat they are. As a size 14 with an hourglass figure, it makes me wonder what such women think when they see a woman bigger than they happy(ish) with how she looks.

I do watch my diet and exercise because I do have this beautiful size 12 dress I would love to wear one day, but on the whole, I feel pretty good about myself. I’ve heard plenty about how I should lose weight for my health because heaven fore-fend someone not be a size 4 and healthy. My blood pressure is spot on, cholesterol at healthy levels, and I have a pretty strong heart (only weakened by a childhood disease). I do workouts most of my skinny friends (male and female) can’t keep up with because it feels awesome to be strong.

Even when my body betrays me (I am sick right now, fighting off an ear infection and a cold) I believe my body is as the gods intended and I take pretty good care of it. 🙂 It is, after all, just a loan. I’d like to return it in as good condition as They gave it to me. 😉