pagan blog project

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “J” for “Just”

Notice the above is not “justice.” I am referring here to what feels “right” and what is “fair.” I am big believer in what is fair, and this may not be what justice IS to many people. It is enough for me to have the man who cheated on me unable to be with anyone else no matter how hard he tries. I don’t wish for the lawyer who tried to screw me over to lose his practice; I want someone to do to him what he tried to do to me. I don’t wish the same pain, I wish frustration to the same tune as my own because I believe that would be just if not necessarily justice.

I suppose part of me sees “justice” as “revenge.” But there in lies the added bonus of a punishment. While all actions have consequences, in a spiritual sense, I am not a fan of punishment. If you cause someone hurt, the consequence should be equal to but no greater than the original offense.

Well, sure I say this now but watch. Next time my kid talks back, I’ll yell a lot longer than the time it took to sass me. XD

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “J” for “Jinx”

I’ve had friends and acquaintances come to me believing they’ve been jinxed; believing their run of bad luck is supernatural in origin and hope their friendly neighborhood witch can to something about it. They fill me in on the situation and are frequently are disappointed when I tell them they’re not jinxed; they’re repeating bad behaviors and wondering why it all turns out shitty.

“Lenni, can you cast a spell for me?”

Sure! I can cast all freakin day but if you don’t study? Your grades won’t improve. Guy broke your heart again? Stop messing with him. Perpetually out of money? Stop over-shopping. Tired of being fat? Take a freaking walk.

Of course there are always mitigating circumstances but on the whole, it seems people will jump on the supernatural explanation rather than look within and see what the root of the problem is. It may not be all “witchy” and “pagany” but it works. I do believe in a little magical help but I always combine it with good ole fashion hard work. And who knows? The application of my will towards change may be the transformative magic; not the spell. If not, it certainly can’t be said I didn’t have all by bases covered. 😉

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “I” for “Initiation”

As a solitary, I am “self-initiated.” That’s pretty much the entire story. Pagans can (and have) sit around all day debating if that “counts” or not but you know what? Who cares? You walk the path, it’s what you are. So many churches squabble about little details, splinter off or try to annihilate each other. Do we really want to walk that line?

I did a formal ritual to initiate myself but I was practicing long before I did. Just like my marriage, I never felt I needed something “official” to declare my love to my husband or my gods. The paper’s nice and it comes with it’s perks, but without it, me and him would still be a loving couple and good parents. And I would still be a tree hugging, dirt worshiper. 😉

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “I” for “Inspiration”

I guess I’m a bad Pagan in that I don’t have a super regular practice. I make up my rituals on the fly, communing with deity whenever I can in whatever manner seems best at the time. I do the same thing with my writing, rarely using a plan or an outline for my stories. I have a general idea and flesh it out as I go along.

Honestly, I feel this connects me more to my spirituality and my work than if I had a formal plan. The creation is visceral, like a lightening strike to my senses and it’s very invigorating. Nothing beats the sudden wave of words flying from my mouth or flooding through my soul. I truly believe nothing makes me feel more alive than the feeling of pure inspiration.

Sometimes, inspiration needs a kick in the pants. That’s why I enjoy feeding it with massive amounts of books, movies, anime, and comics. XD I’m not afraid of bad movies because that can be a great way to spur it on. The moment I mentally check out of a movie with the list of things I could have changed, I feel invigorated and justified in the time I spent watching it.

I also inadvertently serve as inspiration to others. Or so they tell me. It always shocks me when friends and family somehow believe I know anything about anything. XD But hey, if I am one of the things that inspire you? Go for it.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “H” for “Healing”

In yet another lesson brought to me courtesy of that burn, I was inspired to talk about how interesting it is to watch my body go through the healing process. This is not about the healing magic so much as it’s about how healing itself is magic.

To see my body damaged is a little traumatic; all of a sudden there’s a charred mess where normal skin should be. But once the blisters started to come up and the pain went away, I got to see what my body is capable of. It was pretty awesome.

There’s something very primal about the need to pick and poke at it. Even if the feeling of the fluids sloshing inside is stomach churning the mere notion that a body filled with helpful and harmful germs can produce a sterile environment in which to grow new flesh under the damaged flash is remarkable. Slowly, over the passing week, the fluid either reabsorbed or steadily leaked out without me having to open it up. My body let me know when it was time to get rid of the junk by it just letting it go; all I had to do was keep up with a clean bandage.

Now, after all the dead skin has flaked away, I am left with a smooth, clean, pink scar. I look at it in awe of how horribly I’d mucked it up and my body just said “Alright, you dingus. Just sit back and let me handle this.” Usually, I trust my body to betray me; sending my period late/early, burping at inappropriate times, pimples, etc… But this time it came through for me. That’s the magic of nature.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Post – “H” for “Hellion”

“A mischievous, troublesome, or unruly person”

There are certain instances in life (for me, anyway) where it has been to my benefit to be fall under this definition. In general, I can most certainly be described as a hellion simply for being who I am.

I am ok with this.

My mother and her mother before her were trailblazers in their own way; my Grandma for never letting her dark skin keep her from being a business owner and my Ma, who never let society tell her what was the “right” or “wrong” definition of a family. As their descendant, I try to live up to their example by never allowing others to dictate how I live my life.

This includes how I practice my religion. Of course there are correspondences and certain rules to be followed, but how I practice and my choice to practice at all was a huge departure from what would make most of my family comfortable. My Ma and Grandma nay not have agreed with my choice of spirituality but they certainly wouldn’t begrudge me my choice. After all it would be disrespectful to their memory if I were to simply let sleeping dogs lie.

As one in a long line of hellions, who has given birth to who I am SURE will be another, I honor their memory by not simply accepting, forging my own path. I know it’s what they would have wanted.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “G” for “Gratefullness”

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I am lucky for what I have. Even though I got rejected for that anthology, I am grateful to have plenty of other places to use it and the chance to edit it the way I want it.

I am grateful for my vacation and to be back with my family. I am grateful for my life and everything in it that makes me smile for even the barest second. Because life’s too short to be all frowny all the time. 🙂

 

 

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project: “F” for “Forgiveness”

I’ve posted about forgiveness before but a lot has happened since then and I’ve had a recent update.

As things progress on the processing of my Ma’s will, the lawyer who wrote it was finally found. Turns out the way it was worded did NOT mean Ma thought was some sort of an empty headed ninny who could be manipulated by her husband into leaving her child homeless. It was meant to go into a trust to protect me in case of divorce.

To be fair, the will was drafted during a time when me and my husband were having MAJOR problems and divorce was very likely. Since then, we have grown so much as a couple and as individuals that our marriage is much stronger. Part of this had to do with Ma’s sickness and eventual death. We really had to support each other during that time. Mainly, it was about growing the hell up. For the both of us.

Knowing this was such a weight off my shoulders. Ma saw what a good man my husband became and always knew her daughter had a good head on her shoulders. (“Sane,” no. “Good,” yes.) But life happens and she wanted a fail-safe to protect her daughter. So, for that I forgive her. I let go of my anger  and move on towards healing.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “F” for “Fire”

Seeing as how I recently burned myself, I have a new respect for flames. >_<

The story goes as follows: While boiling pasta for dinner, one hand slipped from the handle on the pot and scalding hot water spills on my thigh. Let me tell you, I have never taken my pants off so fast in my life.

Nearly a week later, now that the blisters have popped and the skin is healing, I have seen the why and the lesson fire had for me; pay attention. Life is here. Life is NOW. And if you aren’t looking, life will be gone. Or you will spill boiling hot water on your leg. :p You have to be present in every moment and celebrate it.

The burn was like a shock to my system. Despite the bandages and ointment and pain, I’m doing the things I enjoy with no excuses and having more fun with my family. In part, it’s guilt from scaring the begeezuz out of them (I screamed. Loud.) but my passion for life is back.

But my message to the universe is simply this: Less painful lessons next time. >D

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “E” for why I’m Eclectic

Like a lot of other Pagans, I didn’t start out that way. I was Christian, then Wiccan, now I consider myself a Solitary Eclectic Pagan.

For many, this is code fore “I mishmash traditions I don’t understand and do whatever I please.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. I personally found through years of research and practice that all in all, the divine feminine and masculine are the two main concepts of diety. The names are facets of jewels; different aspects of the same two forces. Hence I became Pagan instead of Wiccan or Hoodoo or any ONE tradition.

Being Eclectic means I can celebrate all the traditions which make me ME. I am biracial and multicultural so I can draw upon what jives with me and leave behind what doesn’t. Through trial and error, I can also discard rituals, prayers, and tools I do not need. It may be the epitome of D.I.Y. religion but is that really so bad? Is the man who prays while washing dishes better than the man who only prays in church? If the gods are everywhere, They won’t really quibble if I keep my athame on the right or left or if I use one at all.