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I’ve been through all this before but still, it’s draining.

I spoke to my Mother’s doctor on Tuesday and he says what boils down to "She’s getting worse. I will be conferring with her oncologist as to continuing her treatment and the hospital will take care of any hospice arrangements." This sinks in for a couple days and after going to my Mother on Thursday evening and telling her she has a choice of chemo or waiting to die because there’s no chance of her getting better, the doctor comes and tells her she’ll be going home in a couple days with a home health aide. The difference being a home health aide isn’t waiting for you to die.

So in the last week I’ve been intimately equated with why the phrase "roller-coaster of emotions" is a cliche. It fits. Holly hell, man. I am tired inside and out. When I sleep, I don’t dream (that I can remember) and at my best moments, I’m able to eat. But I put one foot in front of the other, keep working and keep writing.

Since things change every day (Hour? Minute?), I’m hesitant to even say she’s recovering from the shingles so she’ll be coming home "in a few days" with an aide. Honestly? I have not been reading anyone’s journals or stories or anything (even though I’ve really wanted to). I’m taking it one day at a time.

Oh look, another cliche! Urrgghhh.. >_<

But I’m still writing and working to get my Zazzle shop filled with things and infect Amazon with my madness. :p I’m muddling through. That’s the best way I can put it. I’ll do my best to be involved but if my eyes glaze over, cut me some slack. 😉

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