pagan

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “T” for “Teacher”

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear” ~Buddhist proverb

There are few things would dare call absolute but the statement above is indeed an absolute. In my experience, this has been the most true thing I have ever heard. Whenever I have had need of a certain spiritual lesson, the person or persons who will give me this lesson are right there having come into my life at exactly the right time.

For good or ill, I am grateful for all these impromptu teachers. Not all the lessons have been easy or pleasant. Many involved a fair amount of tears and still hurt to this day. But what I have taken away from these lessons have made me the strong, capable person I am today. So, I look forward to the next teacher to come into my life. May they be lenient with their lessons. XD

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “S” for “Spell”

It’s usually the first question I get asked when I tell people I’m a Pagan Witch. “Do you cast spells?” Can it get annoying, sure. But it beats getting asked if I worship the devil.

The quick and dirty answer is, yes I cast spells. Many may think of this as a roughshod explanation but most of the time for me, spells are prayers with kickass props. Can I cast without props? Sure. I do it all the time. Quick thanks for a good day, guidance in a decision, safety when traveling, patience with my kid; anything that strikes me at the time.

I say it’s like prayer because a spell is just focusing your will and intent on a specific goal. And like prayer, it only works if YOU do. Go ahead, cast 100 weight loss spells. If you sit on your ass and eat gallons of ice cream for dinner, it won’t work. If you pray for a job yet never take an interview, it won’t work. It sets you up to go out and make your destiny. It gives you confidence and a sense of purpose. Something some of us sorely need.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “S” for “Satisfaction”

When it comes to things like satisfaction, I tend to lean towards a more Buddhist approach. It is desire that leads to despair and then you cannot truly attain satisfaction because you always Want. It’s an endless cycle of trying to fulfill a need with only temporary satisfaction, a hunger that’s never quite sated.

It’s hard not to desire things but I try to be realistic with the things I desire. I want to pay off the mortgage early so I send in extra payments when I can. The satisfaction comes in that temporary sacrifice (not having that extra cash on hand) for the long term goal (the slow but steady shrinking of that debt). The same thing goes for cooking my own food, rather than ordering in or spending a day just cleaning. I get the satisfaction of a meal made with my own hands and the freer energy of a clean, well-organized space.

Instead of chasing some fleeting material goal, I try to focus on things that will increase my general satisfaction with my life. After that, I can work on being more than satisfied; I can work on being fulfilled. 😉

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “R” for “Reconciliation”

Keeping with last entry’s letter, I’ve also been thinking a lot about reconciliation. Particularly since the dealings with my mother’s estate are very nearly done. Over the last year, I’ve learned some sooper seekret things about Ma that I honestly feel would have brought us closer as mother and daughter. I think I will carry my resentment towards losing that connection with her for the rest of my life. There’s no way I can straight up yell at her for it (unless anybody knows a good medium).

However, I have reconciled with the why’s and how’s of her secrets. I’m a thirty something in the year 2012; having grown up in the 80’s and 90’s and not having to deal with much discrimination. Ma grew up with darker skin than mine in the 1950’s. You don’t come up a poor, Black, feminist in that time without developing a thick skin and a chip on your shoulder.

I wish she could have reconciled all that anger and self-deception before she died. I’m sure sure she would have been happier. Ma always worried I would end up “like her,” someone who thought of nothing but work and responsibility at the expense of all else. But it was that determination which helped me have an easier time of coming to terms with the myriad of feelings a parent’s death will bring you. She made me strong. For that, I am grateful.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “R” for “Retribution”

Ma always taught me living well is the best revenge. In a way, she was right.

There is always something in you that wants the big confrontation after a fight; the epic conclusion worthy of the final episode of a TV drama. I’ve had those and let me tell you, they are so not worth the trouble. There is nothing soul cleansing about them. Every confrontation has left me weary and soiled. It didn’t matter if I was “right” or if it mended a broken friendship, there was still a sense something once in one piece would never be right again.

Sometimes when something ends, it ends for a reason. There is no real benefit to getting even or getting the last word. For me, the best revenge is to forget the whole thing. As a wise friend of mine said: “Don’t let them rent space in your head.” They’re not worth it.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Post – “Q” for “Queen”

As in “Queen of Heaven”

I am a big fan of the old gods. I believe they are closer to a more primal spiritual experience; the nearly nameless ones who represent the comos in their most pure form.

Gee, can you tell I read Clan of the Cave Bear once? But really, that’s the sort of connection to The Queen or The Goddess I most enjoy. I find I most often send please to the formless Great Mother for help, to The Queen for strength, and to The Goddess for wisdom. Though Their many names may escape me, it is Their essence I usually seek.

When I think of trying to be more like a Queen, I think of a woman of honor, patience, and humility. Someone who doesn’t need the last word, takes the high road, and keeps their home and family safe. I think of a provider, a nurturer, a disciplinarian, and a fighter. I have tried to be all these things when I need to be them but I try to keep myself realistic; no woman can really do it all. We are sadly only human and the flesh is weak. The Queen also needs to nap.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Post – “Q” for “Quit”

I know the first instinct for any parent is to tell their children never to give up. “You don’t wanna be a quitter, do you?” I would hear growing up. Unless it was smoking or drugs, quitting was never a good thing.

Sometimes, quitting can be a blessing.

I used to try and keep all my friends no matter what they did to me. I would stick to activities I didn’t enjoy because I thought quitting was a bad thing. I endured horrible classes (with horrible grades as a result) and toxic relationships because I didn’t know when to give up.

To paraphrase Brokeback Mountain, I certainly know when to quit now. The very moment something becomes more trouble than it’s worth or starts to be un-enjoyable, I re-evaluate it’s place in my life and see if I really need it. I have to tell you, this process has not only saved me money, but time and an assload of grief. Quitting can be spiritually freeing because you aren’t shackled with life’s unnecessary detritus and left me feeling lighter, more able to deal with more important things (like mortgage agents and prickly 5 year olds). When I quit trying to impress, I made better friends and when I quit dieting, I found better health and happiness.

Seems like quitting may not be as bad as Mama said.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “P” for “Practice”

Like many spiritual people, I try to see my faith as something I live, not something I do. I frequently question if I’m Pagan enough because I don’t go to many functions, I barely have time for proper rituals, I forget when the holidays are, and I can never remember correspondences off the top of my head. I always have to look them up.

So, if the proof is in the practice, what makes me a Pagan?

When I stargaze, I believe I am practicing. When I teach my little girl respect for the earth, I believe I am practicing. When I sit and take a breath, admiring how the air smells like grass and flowers, I believe I am practicing. It’s in these moments where we can all stop wondering if we’re Pagan enough and just enjoy the world.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “P” for “Peace”

(Source)

The most valuable time I can grab in my life is when I have peace of mind; when my thoughts are calm and serene. I don’t often reach this state through meditation, but when I do it’s just fantastic.

Usually, things are just crazy in my life. Like any working mother, I snatch at moments of peace when I can. Those moments to myself where I can just recharge and de-stress are what keep me going. But every so often, I’m walking home and the temperature is perfect, there’s a slight breeze and there’s soft music playing on my MP3 player. I look up at the twilight sky and there’s just enough clouds to make the light easy on my eyes. I just take a deep breath and smile. I stand up a little straighter and I’m ready to face whatever else the day my bring or leave the trials the day has already brought behind me.

Those moments are more precious than gold. Snatch ’em up while you can!

atthequillsmercy

Blessed Lammas! :D

This Lammas, I made a bread man! 😀 In’t he a cute little creepy bastard? *kisses him* He’s made from herb bread sprinkled with sea salt. I made the dough in a bread machine (kneading aggravates my tendinitis) and sculpeted him before popping him into the oven.

He’s so fricking cute, I don’t even wanna eat him. XD

Have a blessed day everyone! 😀