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atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “O” for “Obesity”

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It is with a great sigh and rolling of eyes that you read my heading, I am sure. This topic has been done but far be it from me to let it pass without me adding my two cents.

Hey there. My name is Lenni. I am 5’7″ and weigh about 200 pounds. I say “about” because depending on what time of the month it is, I can go down to 195 or up to 210. At my last physical, my blood pressure and cholesterol were at normal levels. My knees are shot so I can’t run a 4 minute mile, but I can power walk it in 15. I can lift and carry my 40 pound child with out straining. I typically workout 30 minutes 4 days a week in various ways but not because I want to lose weight, it’s because I enjoy it (and I don’t drive yet so I walk everywhere).

Why the stats? Because people hear my height and weight and assume I am fat, lazy, unhealthy. Quite the contrary, I am an active healthy human being who just happens to not be a size 2. Most of the time, I am happy with myself. It’s taken years of hard thought to get rid of the poor self image instilled in me from puberty when all of a sudden, I developed all these curves I didn’t know what do to with.

Not to sound crude but I sure as hell know what to do with them now!

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I wish I’d had more role models like Mrs. Hendricks up there when I was growing up. I could have avoided a lot of the anguish. Being 13 is hard enough without the added stress of being overweight. Not that kids need an excuse to make fun of you (I was oinked at… I am not even kidding) but that pain never really goes away. I have tried every diet, every diet pill, every shake, powder, and gimmick you can name. I even dabbled in anorexia. But not bulimia because I don’t like the feeling of throwing up and I believe I would be just wasting good food.

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I say, fuck that noise! I sat back and thought “I cannot believe the words ‘dabble in anorexia’ came out of my mouth!” What the bloody hell was I thinking?! Would I be able to rock the hell out to Zumba if I don’t eat? How am I supposed to chase my kid around if I don’t eat? And what kind of example am I setting for my daughter!? I never want her to think the things I thought… So, I will be totally honest with you, I eat whatever the fuck I want. And I like vegetables (my Ma was vegetarian so I’m used to large amounts of veggies). My favorite thing to eat is a huge salad with a can of tuna and diced onion. I have pizza or burgers as a treat and I usually make them myself (when I have time) because I can flavor them exactly the way I want. Do I make healthier choices? Yes; lean meats and whole wheat bread. I don’t pick them because they’re “diet food” I pick them because my body feels better.

You only get one shot in the shell you have. I choose to treat my body with respect by giving it the fuel it craves. Sometimes it’s a baby spinach salad and sometimes it’s a fat, juicy burger with fried onions and bacon. No excuses and no guilt. People can oink at me all they want because you know what? I’m better than that. And you are, too.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “O” for “Ostara”

I have to say, Ostara is my favorite holiday. 😀 Not just for all the fertility symbols all over the place, but for the feeling of a new beginning. It is also the first Pagan holiday I shared with my daughter that easily dovetails with Easter so I can get all the eggs and baskets I need and still do cool witchy stuff with her. 🙂

If we’re gardening that year, we use that day to start the seedlings and take some time to enjoy the day outside (weather permitting) before the bugs come out in force. We dye eggs and paint flowers to welcome the coming Spring. If it’s raining, I take time out to watch the rain. I feel it’s a way for me and my kid to connect to nature when we live in a suburban environment.

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “N” for “New”

I have to admit, I’m not very good at trying new things. As evidenced by the posts I’ve been doing about the Birchbox, things have to be handed to me in order for me to reach out and try them. If it didn’t come in a neat little box every month, I would never try something new like this beauty balm (which I have finally stopped calling “That Stick Thing”).

There are a great many things in my life that I never would have tried if that new thing hadn’t been forced on me. Parenting is one of them. Every day is something new which, honestly, drives me a little nuts. There’s something in me that appreciates the safety of the regular, the hum drum. New things can be scary because of the element of the unexpected. Variables floating in the ether just waiting to go wrong keep me up at night. 0.0

I have to credit my husband with my recent change. I know it’s not very “Pagan” of me to come by the solution through taking a human being’s advice rather than hours  of meditation or scrying or something equally as magical. Trust me, listening to what he had to say and taking it to heart? That was magic. And it worked. I’m sleeping without my bite guard to protect my teeth from grinding for the first time in WEEKS.

So, try something new today. Feel free to remain in a certain comfort zone, but give it a shot. Worse comes to worse, you have a great story to tell. 😉

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “N” for “Name”

Like many other Pagans, I assigned myself a magical name. It is a name only to be used between you and your deities; perhaps within your coven. I agonized over what it should be and even had the initials tattooed on my back.

I’ll be straight up with you all, I barely use it. I don’t regret the tattoo and the name fits me but honestly, in my spiritual practice, my very being resonates with my identity. Names are not important. Like I mentioned before, my practice stripped to it’s purest form is all about intent.

So, I posit the question to my Pagan fans and readers of this blog, how does your magical name (if you have one) factor into your practice?

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Post – Double “M” for “Money” and “Magic”

To make up for missing last week, this is a combination post.

In my practice, I have noted that force of will is the driving force behind everything I do; including magic. I do this for two reasons:

1. I feel it imbues a certain passion into my work.
2. It’s CHEAP!!

Like many Pagans, I have piles of books and reams of printouts of spells and various concoctions I would love to try, but some of the ingredients are so fricking expensive, I feel like part of being a practicing Pagan Witch necessitates winning the lottery or being a full time gardener. The closest I’ve come is saving up enough to buy a relatively inexpensive collection of herbs on Ebay. And even “relatively inexpensive” had me grateful for any OT I could get at work to make up for the cost. >_<

I understand someone has to make these materials and they should of course be compensated for their time and effort. But when you’re talking to your deities, who ever they are, I don’t think they really care if your athame cost you $20 or $200 or if you even just use your finger. Magic can’t always be about having The Stuff. It’s from within; borne from your intent. Making an herbal sachet or mojo bag quite obviously requires physical items but don’t go crazy. We all know money doesn’t grow on trees so go out and hug one instead. XD

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “L” for “Live”

(image from here)

I will admit to you that I am not the type of person who wakes up thinking “My! What a glorious day! I must verily ponder ways in which to seize it!” I am more likely to wake up like this:

(from SIP but taken from this site)

Just driving to work is enough to put me on edge on some days. Between a full time job, my daughter, my husband, and my writing, it’s a wonder I am not covered in wrinkles with a full head of white hair.

Most of us can relate, I’m sure. You want to be the type of person who seizes every moment but we are lucky to have a moment to breathe. I say, take that moment. People around me may get annoyed or tease me when I will just stop and let loose a great heaving sigh but man, that’s the best sigh EVER. Better than running to get coffee, better than chocolate (yup, I said better than CHOCOLATE) because in that breath, I am aware of my being. I am present in the moment.

Then I can go back to calling every one idiots for tailgating and changing lanes with out a signal. >_< And for the love of all that’s holy, why can’t my kid pick up her frigging shoes!!

*sigh*

Much better. 😉

Living is making the best of whatever you have and realizing that you may not have time for a 20 minute meditation every night or be able to take hour long walks whenever you want, but that second where you can stop, breathe, then continue. At least that’s what it is for me now. And it’s not so bad. 🙂

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “L” for “Laughter”

I absolutely enjoy a good laugh! Never under estimate the healing and magical power of laughter. When I’m at my lowest, making me laugh is a sure way to perk me up and release my stress. 🙂

It’s also a way to get over your fears (as you can see by the video above… I’m a Brony. Deal with it. I find the term “Pegasister” annoying.) I fricken dare you to watch those above videos and not smile at least a little. XD Life just looks a little brighter and your entire being just swells like a balloon. It’s just amazing. Everyone should laugh more often and maybe the world would be a better place. 🙂

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “K” for “Kitchen Witchery”

I absolutely believe when you prepare food (or anything) with your own hands, you impart some of your thoughts and energy into what is being prepared. Being a busy lady, I don’t have the time to impart such energy into every meal. Its usually Throw-Peanut-Butter-On-The-Bread-And-Get-The-Fuck-To-Work in the mornings and dinner is started right when I walk in the door from work. But on holidays like Samhain and Yule, I am very deliberate and careful with what I put into the meals I prepare. I reflect on what the sacred day means for me and my family and what I hope for the coming year.

I also do this when I prepare meals for any sick family members. You wouldn’t believe a simple can of chicken broth can be turned into a magical elixir for the ultimate destruction of the common cold, but with the love from her mama, my 4 year old believes it is. 🙂

It’s also very therapeutic to be mindful of the preparation of your food. It’s comforting to be IN the moment, not dicing onions while screaming at someone or watching tv. It gives the mind focus and makes me much more aware of what I’m putting in my food.

Also? I hardly ever measure. I do everything by how the food smells, tastes, or feels. This is very annoying for people who taste my food and want to know how I made it. I just stare at them blankly and babble “Really, I have no idea.”

Because it’s magical. 😉

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “K” for “Knot Magic”

I’m not talking about the Witch’s Knot, I mean knitting and crochet. There is absolute magic in hand making an object stitch by stitch for someone you love.

When I found out I was pregnant (after freaking right the fuck out) I took up crochet again after years of hanging up the hook. My grandmother had taught me when I was 7 or so and I could think of no better way to relax myself and prepare for my little one than to make her a baby blanket. I worked on it my entire pregnancy, line by line, and made it big enough to use as a lapghan when she goes off to college. I still have the dress my grandmother made for me (she was an awesome seamstress) so if my kid still loves me when she’s an adult, I wanted to make something she would treasure.

As I worked, I found myself thinking of all I hoped for my child. I wanted her to be healthy, happy, smart, and strong. I wanted her to wrap herself in this garment and know that she’s loved by her mama even when her mama isn’t around. The result was, quite frankly, staggering. It’s her favorite blanket and not just because I lord over her saying “I bloody made this and you will USE IT!!” she picks it. And I have a healthy, happy, smart, and strong little girl who just loves the shit outta that blanket. >D

I’ve also made items for other people, like a scarf for my husband. Same effect. You channel your wishes into the hooks or needles into the yarn and it comes through in your finished project. It’s the entire concept of Prayer Shawls with a Pagan spin. I still make things (when I have time) and eventually I’ll have a shop section on my website so I can share what I make with others. There’s nothing like a great big ole hug of positive energy. 🙂

atthequillsmercy

Pagan Blog Project – “J” for “Just”

Notice the above is not “justice.” I am referring here to what feels “right” and what is “fair.” I am big believer in what is fair, and this may not be what justice IS to many people. It is enough for me to have the man who cheated on me unable to be with anyone else no matter how hard he tries. I don’t wish for the lawyer who tried to screw me over to lose his practice; I want someone to do to him what he tried to do to me. I don’t wish the same pain, I wish frustration to the same tune as my own because I believe that would be just if not necessarily justice.

I suppose part of me sees “justice” as “revenge.” But there in lies the added bonus of a punishment. While all actions have consequences, in a spiritual sense, I am not a fan of punishment. If you cause someone hurt, the consequence should be equal to but no greater than the original offense.

Well, sure I say this now but watch. Next time my kid talks back, I’ll yell a lot longer than the time it took to sass me. XD