movie

atthequillsmercy

Finally Watched It: “Cube 2: Hypercube”

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With this movie, we get some behind the scenes setup on the cube. We’re still not given a legit reason for this thing to exist or why people are put in there but this time, the cube has the added hurdle of quantum teleportation.

It The Matrix and Saw had a baby that was smarter and more sadistic than either one, it would be this movie. Or maybe Matrix, Saw, a particularly dark episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and Rick and Morty. The same dark and hopeless tone carries through to this movie from the original but I did feel a little let down by the typical ‘hidden evil government’ thing. I dunno why I was expecting more but I think it’s because I see it so often. I was intrigued, entertained, and amused by how poorly the effects aged. I will admit I giggled. But yup! I’ll be watching the next one!

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Finally Watched It: Cube

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A group of people wake up in a prison with no memory of how they got there. Each new room they enter reveals horrible traps and they try to figure out the mystery of why there are there and how they can escape.

This movie struck me as a nerdy version of Saw; focusing more on strategy and math as opposed to outright gore. The way this movie is constructed with minimal music and believable actors make it more tense to me than the Saw franchise or most horror movies I see these days, honestly. I totally understand why this became a cult classic. It was smart, eerie, and bleak. I wish more horror movies took the time to really get inside people’s heads like this movie does. I’m glad I watched it and I have the sequels ready to go!

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Finally Watched It: “Magnificent Seven” (1960)

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With the remake coming out, I figured I would kill two birds with one stone by knocking one movie off my list and prepping for the new movie.

Overall, this is a great movie. I can see why it’s one of the classics. I got into the story right away, I laughed at some of the old tropes, the acting and writing were on point and, let’s face it; I’d watch Yul Brynner read the phone book. And some of these one liners? In reaction to getting skimmed by a bullet:”You elected?” “No, I got nominated real good.” Fucking badASS!

Now that I’ve enjoyed this one so much – which was shocking to me because I don’t like westerns – I am concerned about the remake. Obviously the original cast was lily white and the remake changes this up. Will the new one be more realistic for the time period in terms race relations or will it go the Django Unchained route where it’s comically over the top in its racism? I hope it’s handled with a certain amount of grace. We’ll have to see.

Anyway, I’m glad I watched this movie and I will also be watching Seven Samurai (the film this movie was based on) very soon and I have a special place in my heart for that one. It was one of my mom’s favorite movies. I will try not to compare the two too much.

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Finally Watched It: Batman: The Killing Joke

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Based on the graphic novel of the same name, this feature was touted mainly for its R rating.

And I don’t think that rating was even earned. To me, this is PG-13 level curses here. And the very random sex scene wasn’t even graphic!

First off, I was not impressed with the animation quality. It was fairly standard. With all those other DC animated movies out there, I expected better.

Secondly, this isn’t so much “Batman: The Killing Joke” as it is “Batgirl: Batman: The Killing Joke.” I do NOT understand why the first half an hour or so of this exists because it would have been overall better to cut the whole damn thing.

Thirdly, this is the most sexist portrayal of Batgirl I’ve seen. According to the movie, she’s been at the vigilante scene for three years, right? Three years and she still feels the need to whine to Batman that she needs to prove herself? She still gets triggered by some random trash talk a lowly mobster throws at her? He asks”Where’s your boyfriend?” so she can squawk “He’s not my boyfriend!”, he makes jokes that she’s on her period, they write her so she gets mad when he calls her cute… This isn’t Batgirl. She’s every lazy female and sidekick stereotype poured into a batsuit. I was screaming at the screen and rolling my eyes.

Fourthly? You snagged the “swear to me” line? *sigh

And lastly, the back story of why those freaks in the carnival were working with the Joker would have been a bajillion times more interesting than this Bats in the City nonsense that filled the first half hour. They even gave Barbara a pet gay best friend; which was a trope I thought we had thankfully grown out of.

If you skip all the Batgirl stuff, it wasn’t bad, it was just ok. Mark Hamil and Kevin Conroy are of course as excellent as always and the adaptation of what was actually IN THE GRAPHIC NOVEL was entertaining. But by the time they got to the story in the book, I was so pissed, I found it hard to enjoy the rest.

Next time? Stick to the book, guys.

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Finally Watched It: “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”

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Three decades after the defeat of the Galactic Empire, a new threat arises. The First Order attempts to rule the galaxy and only a ragtag group of heroes can stop them, along with the help of the Resistance.

I am SO sick of the slackjawed expressions I get when I say I haven’t seen this movie so here it is. At just 15 minutes in, I already get the sense that in rebooting this series, this movie mirrors Luke’s journey but kicks off it’s training wheels. All the effects are really well done, Fin and Ray are funny and yes, this is a fun time. I find it hearkens back to the wonder and coolness of watching the original movies for the first time as a kid but I can appreciate more things as an adult.

As a total aside, I don’t get why the Ghostbusters reboot got so much hate but this one didn’t. I had fun watching both… But that’s a gripe for another time.

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Finally Watched It: Electra Woman and Dyna Girl.

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Electra Woman and Dyna Girl are super-heroines with no powers in their home town but are offered the chance to be represented like the more famous superheroes in their world. Since all the super-villains are gone; defeated in The Shadow Wars, heroes are basically famous spokes people. While their newfound fame goes to Electra Woman’s head and drives a rift between the pair, a mysterious new villain appears on the scene.

Ok this movie isn’t terrible. I will admit around the 4 minute mark, I really hoped the internet and pop-culture references would stop (it was WAAAYY to much of the dialog). 10-15 minutes in, I felt like I was watching two close friends talk and making all these inside jokes I know are supposed to be funny but I wasn’t there so I’m not in on the gag.

As far as Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart, they aren’t bad actors, they work ok off of each other as the awkward ditz and snarky inventor. The other heroes are creative and the costumes are cool but there’s something… Flat about this movie. It felt like a checklist was being ticked off behind the scenes. Overall, this is a harmless, quirky, internet movie. Nothing super fantastic but also I wasn’t suffering watching it. Good effort but I sensed some unused potential.

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Finally Watched It: Street Fighter: Assassin’s Fist

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I was talking with a patron about the sad state of live action video game movies and he mentioned this to me. So, I give it a try and… Well…

This movie goes into Ken and Ryu’s training in the mountains with their master and while, yes; this movie is much better than Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Dragonball, and BloodRayne, I have to say this was very boring.

I understand these are video game avatars before they are characters but they are so cliche and predictable, I couldn’t even find it funny. Whoever made Ken’s wig was clearly out to torture the actor. I know that’s what the game character looks like but I have true difficulty believing any person – especially a martial artist whose survival may depend on a clear field of vision – would leave that much hair hanging in their face all the time.

Even though it’s campy, predictable, and somehow so slow I was bored enough to fall asleep (I never made it to disk 2), I can tell there was more effort, pride, and care in this movie than in any other movie I’ve mentioned in this post. I wanted to like this, I really did; but I just felt tired during this; wondering what book I could be reading. And that’s a shame, too. It’s a pretty movie to look at and, like I said, effort was obviously made to make something cool for the genre.

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Finally Watched It: Mad Max: Fury Road

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When this movie came out, all my friends were on me to see it. I finally got my hands on the DVD and gave it a watch.

Do I really need to summarize this movie for you? Geez, check out the IMDB page…

This movie doesn’t fuck about. It picks you up in it’s teeth, locks it’s jaw, and shakes the shit out of you only stopping to check if you still have a pulse. Then by the end you need a cigarette.

I have a soft spot in my heart for action movies that keep you on the edge and every character is strong and worth watching no matter what gender they are. Man, did I ever enjoy this movie; even though I have to say Beyond Thunderdome is still my favorite in this series. More movies need to use practical effects in their action scenes. Limited CG is best, in my opinion.

I think my only real gripe is the one thing all these apocalyptic and dystopian stories seem to forget: Bicycles! Fucking bicycles! No gas needed and there are ways to to heavy loads with them. And how awesome would it have been to have a hundred bikers pulling a war machine like sailors rowing a ship?! Yeah, the sand would be a bitch but not needing massive amounts of fuel has got to be a plus.

Anyway, I’m glad I watched it. Totally worth my time.

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Finally Watched It: The Host

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After a couple of idiot scientists decide the best place to dump a bunch of chemicals down a drain that leads to Han river, some creature mutates and starts attacking people. After getting no help from the authorities, one family decides to rescue a young girl themselves.

This movie calls itself “one of the greatest monster movies ever made,” and I have to agree. It’s tense, interesting, original, and just plain cool. You can tell there’s a bravery to it and some humor. The story is told well with some fun surprises and the creature effects are fairly impressive.

I also enjoyed this film’s realism. When people get hit, they go down and stay down. They don’t shake off a three story fall like in a lot of other action movies. I can’t speak to all the physics but when a character hits a wall, you don’t see them for a bit. They are indeed hurt.

If I had one complaint, not to spoil much, it would be this grieving scene that just goes on and on. At the start, I was touched, perhaps even shed a tear… But as it went on I started to think “Okay, plot time now! Time to wrap it up.” Overall, a totally awesome movie! Everyone who told me this movie was worth watching was right.

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Finally Watched It: Quarantine 2: Terminal

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In this installment, some contrived circumstances lead to the same plague from the first movie ending up on a plane. They gotta land and they get locked in a terminal to keep the sickness in.

This movie lost me at the first shot; which is a woman’s cleavage. The entire thing can be summed up with “What do you get when a bunch of cliches get on a plane with a zombie?” And like REC 3, this movie completely ditches the ‘found footage’ angle. It’s just a formulaic zombie movie. You can tell who’s gonna die within the first ten minutes and you’re either relieved because they’re stupid or you don’t care because you saw it coming a mile away.

Also, I am certain I’m on some sort of government watch list now because I was researching proper quarantine procedures because I’m sure the movie got something wrong.

Unlike REC 2, which was tense and interesting, I got nothing new from this movie. It’s every thing you’ve ever seen in a bland horror movie from the characterization, to the predictable writing, the standard camera angles and over-the-top gore. I watched this and Watership Down in the same day and the dead bunnies disturbed me more. It just had no heart and is absolutely forgettable.

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